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Its that time again folks! So here we introduce the barry allen version of the Flash in his debut~ threw in a few other speedster characters to hammer the joke in, so you got Sonic and Kamen rider Kabuto. Because I was truggling for better jokes ok xD;
And thus we see the origins of the species we know today as... Linkara, comicus critica
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And to help me and my wife get into an appartment!
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And to help me and my wife get into an appartment!Image size
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© 2013 - 2024 DrCrafty
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Memorable quotes from episode 266:
Linkara: "We open with a splash page, featuring the Flash bursting through the pages of his own comic book. What is it with the Flash's desire to burst through paper or film? Did his parents die from paper cuts?"
Narrator: "This is the startling of the Flash--a man who was so fast that he not only outraced his shadow--but also broke through the sound barrier--on foot!"
Linkara (as narrator): "Since he's so fast, we call him the Flash!" *beat* "Which is a reference to light and not speed... Well, you see, he moves like a flash... SHUT UP, IT'S A GOOD NAME!"
Narrator: "But what happens to the fastest man alive when he battles the slowest man on Earth?"
Linkara: *confused* "He wins? Except, even quicker than normal?"
Narrator: "Is his incredible speed a help--or a hindrance?"
Linkara: "Is this gonna be like a "Tortoise and the Hare" kind of a thing? Because my money is still on the fast guy. We truly open at a radar station on the East Coast."
Man: "Now what's so urgent, Sergeant?"
Sergeant: "Just look at that screen, sir!"
Linkara (as Sergeant): *pointing offscreen* "They're having another Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel, sir!"
Sergeant: "We've picked up a strange object, sir! Not a UFO!--Not an unidentified flying object!"
Linkara: "We open with a splash page, featuring the Flash bursting through the pages of his own comic book. What is it with the Flash's desire to burst through paper or film? Did his parents die from paper cuts?"
Narrator: "This is the startling of the Flash--a man who was so fast that he not only outraced his shadow--but also broke through the sound barrier--on foot!"
Linkara (as narrator): "Since he's so fast, we call him the Flash!" *beat* "Which is a reference to light and not speed... Well, you see, he moves like a flash... SHUT UP, IT'S A GOOD NAME!"
Narrator: "But what happens to the fastest man alive when he battles the slowest man on Earth?"
Linkara: *confused* "He wins? Except, even quicker than normal?"
Narrator: "Is his incredible speed a help--or a hindrance?"
Linkara: "Is this gonna be like a "Tortoise and the Hare" kind of a thing? Because my money is still on the fast guy. We truly open at a radar station on the East Coast."
Man: "Now what's so urgent, Sergeant?"
Sergeant: "Just look at that screen, sir!"
Linkara (as Sergeant): *pointing offscreen* "They're having another Twilight Zone marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel, sir!"
Sergeant: "We've picked up a strange object, sir! Not a UFO!--Not an unidentified flying object!"
Linkara (as the first man): *massaging his forehead* "Sergeant, that is a crumb from the sandwich you were eating earlier."
Sergeant: "It's on the ground-- traveling faster than anything known!"
Linkara: "Judging by all these beeps on the screen, whatever it is likes to swear like a sailor."
Narrator: "Now, let's turn time back a short while when... Over Central City—"
Linkara: "Central to what, exactly?"
Narrator: "—An unexpected storm rages—electrical bolts striking jaggedly in all directions..."
Linkara: "As opposed to those lightning bolts that are completely in a straight line or go at right angles to form a square."
Narrator: "While in the police laboratory, scientist Barry Allen chuckles over an old magazine."
Linkara (as Allen): "Ha! Cosmo Sex Tips! Men don't like that at all!"
-----
Narrator: "Still slightly dazed, Barry Allen leaves for home..."
Linkara: "I guess Barry Allen just decided to leave the chemical spill for the janitor, even though I'm sure some of those were probably dangerous acids or poisonous or something. He fails to catch a cab and starts sprinting towards it, but then, as he moves, he starts accelerating faster and faster. He's pretty disbelieving of what happened and thinks he just hallucinated running past a cab. Or perhaps those chemicals that spilled on you are causing you to hallucinate, Barry. For a police scientist, you really are not thinking of the scientific possibilities here. He stops at a diner to sit down for a bit, and a waitress trips, spilling over her tray... except, Barry suddenly is moving so fast that he's able to put all the food back onto the tray without any problem. The waitress thinks she just hallucinated that as well and walks off."
Barry: *thinking* "That lightning bolt tossed me around like a salad in a dressing of chemicals!"
Linkara: *confused* "Do you usually eat your salads after they've been doused in random chemicals?"
-----
Police Officer: "Glad you folks weren't hurt! That stray was fired by the Turtle Man—making a getaway!"
Linkara: "Damn those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Ever since they discovered they could use guns, they've become villains, firing bullets wildly into the air!"
Barry Allen: "The Turtle Man? That's the criminal called "The Slowest Man on Earth"!"
Linkara: "Then why are you having such problems catching him? Are you guys just humouring him because you feel sorry for him? I mean, seriously, we're supposed to feel intimidated by "The Slowest Man on Earth"?"
Mike Nelson: "This is worse than that time we were jumped by that garden slug!"
-----
Barry: "There must be some way I can use this unique speed to help humanity!... Hmmm--this gives me an idea!"
Linkara (as Barry): "I will become the greatest newsstand delivery man EVER!" *looks up, holding his fist* "Eat it, UPS!"
-----
Linkara: "The Flash arrives at the bank to find everybody with their hands up, but no criminals seem to be around. He thinks they're in the bank vault, but no one is in there, and all the money seems to be there, too. Man, the Flash is so fast that he arrived before the bank robbery actually happened!"
Narrator: "Questioning of the holdup victims reveals the identity of the criminal--the Turtle Man!"
Linkara: "So... this is the first time the Flash has gone out into the public before? Nobody was confused about the man in the skintight bodysuit asking them questions?"
Narrator: "For hours, the scientist paces the streets..."
Linkara: "Wasn't Barry at work when he heard the signal? Isn't anybody wondering why he left early?"
Flash: *thinking* "Now why should the Turtle--the slowest man on Earth go to all the trouble of attempting a holdup-- and then stop before completing it?...Of course!--That's it! Why didn't I think of it before?"
Linkara (as the Flash): *thinking* "The Turtle is terrible at being a criminal! It's so simple!"
Flash: "The reason why the slowest man on Earth..."
Linkara: "Hey, is the Turtle the slowest man on Earth? I can't tell yet. Perhaps we should say he is about fifty more times. Maybe then the reader will understand it."
Flash: "The reason why the slowest man on Earth didn't complete the crime—was that he was doing it in two stages! The second—after everyone was off guard!"
Linkara: "Weren't they already off guard by the hold-up? Wouldn't completing the crime later mean that they were on guard?"
-----
Narrator: "So great is the Human Whirlwind's speed--he bores through the solid brick wall like a gigantic drill..."
Linkara (as narrator): *raising his fist in the air* "This is the drill that shall pierce the heavens– I mean," *sticks fist out* "the brick wall."
-----
Narrator: "As the newsmen who cover the waterfront excitedly interview Barry..."
Newsman 1: "You certainly captured that character in a flash, mister!"
Sergeant: "It's on the ground-- traveling faster than anything known!"
Linkara: "Judging by all these beeps on the screen, whatever it is likes to swear like a sailor."
Narrator: "Now, let's turn time back a short while when... Over Central City—"
Linkara: "Central to what, exactly?"
Narrator: "—An unexpected storm rages—electrical bolts striking jaggedly in all directions..."
Linkara: "As opposed to those lightning bolts that are completely in a straight line or go at right angles to form a square."
Narrator: "While in the police laboratory, scientist Barry Allen chuckles over an old magazine."
Linkara (as Allen): "Ha! Cosmo Sex Tips! Men don't like that at all!"
-----
Narrator: "Still slightly dazed, Barry Allen leaves for home..."
Linkara: "I guess Barry Allen just decided to leave the chemical spill for the janitor, even though I'm sure some of those were probably dangerous acids or poisonous or something. He fails to catch a cab and starts sprinting towards it, but then, as he moves, he starts accelerating faster and faster. He's pretty disbelieving of what happened and thinks he just hallucinated running past a cab. Or perhaps those chemicals that spilled on you are causing you to hallucinate, Barry. For a police scientist, you really are not thinking of the scientific possibilities here. He stops at a diner to sit down for a bit, and a waitress trips, spilling over her tray... except, Barry suddenly is moving so fast that he's able to put all the food back onto the tray without any problem. The waitress thinks she just hallucinated that as well and walks off."
Barry: *thinking* "That lightning bolt tossed me around like a salad in a dressing of chemicals!"
Linkara: *confused* "Do you usually eat your salads after they've been doused in random chemicals?"
-----
Police Officer: "Glad you folks weren't hurt! That stray was fired by the Turtle Man—making a getaway!"
Linkara: "Damn those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Ever since they discovered they could use guns, they've become villains, firing bullets wildly into the air!"
Barry Allen: "The Turtle Man? That's the criminal called "The Slowest Man on Earth"!"
Linkara: "Then why are you having such problems catching him? Are you guys just humouring him because you feel sorry for him? I mean, seriously, we're supposed to feel intimidated by "The Slowest Man on Earth"?"
Mike Nelson: "This is worse than that time we were jumped by that garden slug!"
-----
Barry: "There must be some way I can use this unique speed to help humanity!... Hmmm--this gives me an idea!"
Linkara (as Barry): "I will become the greatest newsstand delivery man EVER!" *looks up, holding his fist* "Eat it, UPS!"
-----
Linkara: "The Flash arrives at the bank to find everybody with their hands up, but no criminals seem to be around. He thinks they're in the bank vault, but no one is in there, and all the money seems to be there, too. Man, the Flash is so fast that he arrived before the bank robbery actually happened!"
Narrator: "Questioning of the holdup victims reveals the identity of the criminal--the Turtle Man!"
Linkara: "So... this is the first time the Flash has gone out into the public before? Nobody was confused about the man in the skintight bodysuit asking them questions?"
Narrator: "For hours, the scientist paces the streets..."
Linkara: "Wasn't Barry at work when he heard the signal? Isn't anybody wondering why he left early?"
Flash: *thinking* "Now why should the Turtle--the slowest man on Earth go to all the trouble of attempting a holdup-- and then stop before completing it?...Of course!--That's it! Why didn't I think of it before?"
Linkara (as the Flash): *thinking* "The Turtle is terrible at being a criminal! It's so simple!"
Flash: "The reason why the slowest man on Earth..."
Linkara: "Hey, is the Turtle the slowest man on Earth? I can't tell yet. Perhaps we should say he is about fifty more times. Maybe then the reader will understand it."
Flash: "The reason why the slowest man on Earth didn't complete the crime—was that he was doing it in two stages! The second—after everyone was off guard!"
Linkara: "Weren't they already off guard by the hold-up? Wouldn't completing the crime later mean that they were on guard?"
-----
Narrator: "So great is the Human Whirlwind's speed--he bores through the solid brick wall like a gigantic drill..."
Linkara (as narrator): *raising his fist in the air* "This is the drill that shall pierce the heavens– I mean," *sticks fist out* "the brick wall."
-----
Narrator: "As the newsmen who cover the waterfront excitedly interview Barry..."
Newsman 1: "You certainly captured that character in a flash, mister!"
Newsman 2: "What did you say your name was?"
Flash: "You just said it—The Flash!"
Linkara (as newsman): "Isn't that an already-established comic book character? Aren't you gonna get sued?"
Linkara (as the Flash): "Oh, yeah... Uh... How about, uh, th-the Human Race Car?" *gives two thumbs-up* "Huh? Huh?"
Linkara: "And so, our story ends with Barry and Iris passing by a newsboy talking about the Flash taking care of the Turtle."
Iris: "How exciting it would be to meet a man like that! But I guess it's just an idle dream!"
Barry: "Sometimes dreams come true, Iris!"
Linkara (as Barry): "And sometimes you die while fighting a giant anti-matter creature that plans to annihilate all parallel universes, and you're responsible creating an alternate timeline that ends up retconning your universe in 2011... Huh. I'm not sure why I brought all that up."
Flash: "You just said it—The Flash!"
Linkara (as newsman): "Isn't that an already-established comic book character? Aren't you gonna get sued?"
Linkara (as the Flash): "Oh, yeah... Uh... How about, uh, th-the Human Race Car?" *gives two thumbs-up* "Huh? Huh?"
Linkara: "And so, our story ends with Barry and Iris passing by a newsboy talking about the Flash taking care of the Turtle."
Iris: "How exciting it would be to meet a man like that! But I guess it's just an idle dream!"
Barry: "Sometimes dreams come true, Iris!"
Linkara (as Barry): "And sometimes you die while fighting a giant anti-matter creature that plans to annihilate all parallel universes, and you're responsible creating an alternate timeline that ends up retconning your universe in 2011... Huh. I'm not sure why I brought all that up."