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Have a Holly Jolly Chri- Oh, this is neither holly nor Jolly? ...Ok
Buy a commission from me to keep my family and I alive with food and rent!
Or maybe even a poster!
Buy a commission from me to keep my family and I alive with food and rent!
Or maybe even a poster!
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© 2014 - 2024 DrCrafty
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Memorable quotes from episode 325:
Linkara: "Aaaaand Santa's face."
Santa: "I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING! I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE!"
Linkara (as Santa): *his face covering the camera in imitation of Santa* "I INVADE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE!"
Linkara: "He's berating the elves, who are apparently complaining about being overworked, and that he demands they hand over the "nice" list."
Elf 1: "That's what I've been trying to tell you, sir! That 3x5 card... contains the entire "nice" list!"
Linkara: "So the combined totals of almost every child on Earth were so bad as to not deserve presents? What sort of hellish nightmare world is this?!"
Elf 2: *dopey expression, with his tongue hanging out* "Didja check it twice? Heh heh."
Linkara: "What is wrong with your face?! Were you originally a squash brought to life?! Why is your tongue hanging out?!"
Elf 2: "Little joke there."
Linkara: "Very little."
Santa: "And the "naughty" list?"
Elf 3: "We just finished it, Santa--and I've got the writer's cramp to prove it!"
Linkara: "And we see that the "naughty" list is so long that it's burying this elf. The end result of all Internet comment sections."
Elf 3: "Looks like the old lump-of-coal-in-the-stocking shtick has lost some of its deterrent factor!"
Linkara: "That's what you get when you're providing people with an energy source. You want to punish naughty kids? Give them some ranch dressing in a paper bag or a used toothbrush or something. Santa decides he has to be a bit more radical in his approach and– Good Lord, Santa's NOSE! Was he in a fight or something? It's not like something out of the songs and poems and crap, it looks like he's sunburnt his nose or has some kind of infection or something. Anyway, his radical approach: to get weapons and stuff."
Santa: "They should've watched out!"
Linkara: "Well, maybe if you didn't keep your existence a secret..." *the panel shows an elf smiling a dopey smile* "Also, this elf is really into this. It's kind of creepy actually."
Santa: "They shouldn't have cried!"
Linkara (as Santa): "Your tears are weakness! Never express emotions!"
Santa: "I warned 'em not to pout!"
Linkara: "Actually, John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie did, but yeah, let's pretend Santa invented the song." *shrugs*
Elf 1: "Look how his belly shakes when he's bloodthirsty!"
Elf 2: "Yeah-- just like a bowlful of jelly!"
Linkara: "Given their expressions, it looks like the elves are ready to embrace cannibalism."
Santa: "Now Santa Claus is going to town on their sorry butts! Me and my sacred battle-axe-- "St. Nick"!"
Linkara: *incredulously* "You named your axe after yourself?! Oh, hey!" *holds up Power Rangers dagger* "Have you seen my dagger, "Lewis"?!"
Elf 3: "Shave 'em down with your mighty twin blade, Santa!"
Linkara: "Oh, come on! That wasn't even a holiday joke or a pun! What is this?! What even is this?!? So, Santa is gonna go murder some children?!"
Elves: "You da MAN!"
Linkara: "Aaaaand Santa's face."
Santa: "I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING! I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE!"
Linkara (as Santa): *his face covering the camera in imitation of Santa* "I INVADE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE!"
Linkara: "He's berating the elves, who are apparently complaining about being overworked, and that he demands they hand over the "nice" list."
Elf 1: "That's what I've been trying to tell you, sir! That 3x5 card... contains the entire "nice" list!"
Linkara: "So the combined totals of almost every child on Earth were so bad as to not deserve presents? What sort of hellish nightmare world is this?!"
Elf 2: *dopey expression, with his tongue hanging out* "Didja check it twice? Heh heh."
Linkara: "What is wrong with your face?! Were you originally a squash brought to life?! Why is your tongue hanging out?!"
Elf 2: "Little joke there."
Linkara: "Very little."
Santa: "And the "naughty" list?"
Elf 3: "We just finished it, Santa--and I've got the writer's cramp to prove it!"
Linkara: "And we see that the "naughty" list is so long that it's burying this elf. The end result of all Internet comment sections."
Elf 3: "Looks like the old lump-of-coal-in-the-stocking shtick has lost some of its deterrent factor!"
Linkara: "That's what you get when you're providing people with an energy source. You want to punish naughty kids? Give them some ranch dressing in a paper bag or a used toothbrush or something. Santa decides he has to be a bit more radical in his approach and– Good Lord, Santa's NOSE! Was he in a fight or something? It's not like something out of the songs and poems and crap, it looks like he's sunburnt his nose or has some kind of infection or something. Anyway, his radical approach: to get weapons and stuff."
Santa: "They should've watched out!"
Linkara: "Well, maybe if you didn't keep your existence a secret..." *the panel shows an elf smiling a dopey smile* "Also, this elf is really into this. It's kind of creepy actually."
Santa: "They shouldn't have cried!"
Linkara (as Santa): "Your tears are weakness! Never express emotions!"
Santa: "I warned 'em not to pout!"
Linkara: "Actually, John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie did, but yeah, let's pretend Santa invented the song." *shrugs*
Elf 1: "Look how his belly shakes when he's bloodthirsty!"
Elf 2: "Yeah-- just like a bowlful of jelly!"
Linkara: "Given their expressions, it looks like the elves are ready to embrace cannibalism."
Santa: "Now Santa Claus is going to town on their sorry butts! Me and my sacred battle-axe-- "St. Nick"!"
Linkara: *incredulously* "You named your axe after yourself?! Oh, hey!" *holds up Power Rangers dagger* "Have you seen my dagger, "Lewis"?!"
Elf 3: "Shave 'em down with your mighty twin blade, Santa!"
Linkara: "Oh, come on! That wasn't even a holiday joke or a pun! What is this?! What even is this?!? So, Santa is gonna go murder some children?!"
Elves: "You da MAN!"
Linkara: "WHY ARE YOU ALL HAPPY ABOUT THIS?!?!"
------
Linkara: "He first goes to the town of... Gamora? What, did Santa not like Guardians of the Galaxy or something? Oh, wait, I'm sure it's supposed to be 'Gomorrah', as in 'Sodom and'." *giving a thumbs-up* "Awesome! Evidence that the creators can't even spell correctly!" *scowls*
------
Narrator: "I'm almost out of synonyms / This rhyming's for the birds / If the rest of this is cheesy, / It's because I'm out of words..."
Linkara: *seething* "I wrote a 3,600-word review of a Star Trek comic and did it entirely in rhyme! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND THINK OF SOME COUPLETS, YOU SLACKER!!! Arriving at what I think is a small village, Santa is– OH, GOD, THOSE EYES!!! SANTA'S A TERMINATOR!! Of course! This all makes sense now! SkyNet sent him back in time to ruin Christmas for everyone! Unfortunately, I doubt we're gonna see his comeuppance! He's confronted by a large group of elves... who look suspiciously like very young children... who are protesting him as a tyrant who made them into slave labor. What's sad is that these guys came here trying to escape the greed and tyranny of the Mirkwood Elves. To be fair to the rhyming, even I complained about difficult rhymes at points, and this guy actually comes up with a few clever ones. However, it's completely undone by the artwork, either by the bizarre, glassy-eyed elves, or the scenes of what appears to be Santa literally tearing apart the elves! I mean, that's what it looks like with all these specks of ink! It looks like a blood splatter! Santa, being a friggin' behemoth, manages to beat the crap out of the elves until they unveil their secret weapon: a robot called TANK."
Narrator: "As I've said before, / This rhyming thing really stinks / I think that I'll stop now / Talking this way worries my therapist /" *a red arrow points to the word "therapist" with these words...* "Heh? Shrink!"
Linkara: *furious death glare*
Crow: "If part of me is laughing, then it's the part of me that hates life."
------
Linkara: "He first goes to the town of... Gamora? What, did Santa not like Guardians of the Galaxy or something? Oh, wait, I'm sure it's supposed to be 'Gomorrah', as in 'Sodom and'." *giving a thumbs-up* "Awesome! Evidence that the creators can't even spell correctly!" *scowls*
------
Narrator: "I'm almost out of synonyms / This rhyming's for the birds / If the rest of this is cheesy, / It's because I'm out of words..."
Linkara: *seething* "I wrote a 3,600-word review of a Star Trek comic and did it entirely in rhyme! GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND THINK OF SOME COUPLETS, YOU SLACKER!!! Arriving at what I think is a small village, Santa is– OH, GOD, THOSE EYES!!! SANTA'S A TERMINATOR!! Of course! This all makes sense now! SkyNet sent him back in time to ruin Christmas for everyone! Unfortunately, I doubt we're gonna see his comeuppance! He's confronted by a large group of elves... who look suspiciously like very young children... who are protesting him as a tyrant who made them into slave labor. What's sad is that these guys came here trying to escape the greed and tyranny of the Mirkwood Elves. To be fair to the rhyming, even I complained about difficult rhymes at points, and this guy actually comes up with a few clever ones. However, it's completely undone by the artwork, either by the bizarre, glassy-eyed elves, or the scenes of what appears to be Santa literally tearing apart the elves! I mean, that's what it looks like with all these specks of ink! It looks like a blood splatter! Santa, being a friggin' behemoth, manages to beat the crap out of the elves until they unveil their secret weapon: a robot called TANK."
Narrator: "As I've said before, / This rhyming thing really stinks / I think that I'll stop now / Talking this way worries my therapist /" *a red arrow points to the word "therapist" with these words...* "Heh? Shrink!"
Linkara: *furious death glare*
Crow: "If part of me is laughing, then it's the part of me that hates life."