Memorable quotes from episode 427:


Linkara: "Well, let's dig into the: *holds up comic of review* "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 2015 Holiday Special and–"
Viga: *calling from offscreen* "Ponies!" *a bunch of plush toys of the ponies are tossed at Linkara, startling/confusing him* "Also, pay the damn rent!"
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Linkara: "Spike says they should just give up and head home."
Spike: "I say we go back to your parents'. Executive dragon decision!"
Linkara (as Twilight): "Oh, Spike..." *laughs* "...it's cute how you think you're not my slave."
Linkara: "Unfortunately, the snow has gotten so bad that it's several feet high outside the door, and it falls all over Spike. Man, if only Twilight had magical powers that allowed her to move objects like snow. You know, like she's doing with that brush right there. Ah, well, I'm sure there are limitations to that power that would prevent her from shoveling snow out of the way. You know, like this unicorn in the background is doing as he pushes the snow back outside. Anyway, Twilight is upset that she's gonna miss Pinkie Pie's party."
Twilight: "I can't miss the gift exchange! I have Rarity! You know how she gets."
Linkara (as Twilight): "The last person who didn't get her something got sewed into a suit!"
Spike: "Aw, you got Rarity? I got Big Mac. Do you know how hard he is to shop for?"
Linkara: "Look, just tell him what I'm gonna say to my relatives: I ordered some Cuba Cola, but it's on back order right now. Give it a month, and they'll forget all about it. Spike worries that now that they're stuck here, they're gonna be bored as all hell, which probably says more about Twilight Sparkle's conversational skills than it should. But fortunately, Twilight has a solution: a book she brought with her."
Linkara (as Twilight): "Spike, let me tell you the story of Christian Gray Mane and Anastasia Steel Handcuffs."
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Narrator!Twilight: "Rainbow was a very special reindeer. While all of the other reindeer had talents like prancing and singing..."
Linkara: "Her talent was proctology!"
Narrator!Twilight: "...Rainbow was different. Her talent was flying. While all the other reindeer remained with their hooves on the ground, Rainbow could dive through the air and the clouds!"
Linkara (as Twilight): "She demanded tribute, or else she would start carpet-bombing the other children!"
Linkara: "So, flying reindeer among those who don't. Pretty damn cool, right?"
Silver Spoon: "Lame."
Diamond Tiara: "Flying reindeer are so weird. Ugh. Rainbow, why do you have to be so weird?"
Linkara: *irritably* "Assholes, she can FLY! At least with Rudolph, nobody saw the glowing red nose as an asset! Just how the hell is the ability to frickin' fly, LAME?!? BE IMPRESSED, DAMMIT! Yeah, I think with this, it's pretty clear that this isn't a parody of "Rudolph", but "Psycho-Man". But yeah, they of course don't want Rainbow to play any of their reindeer games."
Silver Spoon: "What do you mean "reindeer games"?"
Linkara (as Diamond Tiara): "You know, that Ben Affleck movie. Ugh. Do I have to explain everything?"
Linkara: "No, she was referring to games like "Mare-olopy", and another reindeer handily shows off such games as "Apology!", "Connect Forelock", "Gelding Wars", "Dandyland" and, of course, "Cattleship"." *puzzled* "So... does that game involve shooting and sinking cows? They go inside to play, leaving Rainbow to be hit by a falling Princess Luna. Spike is confused."
Spike: "Princess Luna is in this book?"
Twilight: "I guess so? Oh! Looks like she wrote it."
Linkara (as Twilight): *pretending to read something* "Dedicated to all the foolish mortals who will pay when I swallow the world in eternal night."
Linkara: "Luna was flying around with a cart full of food and accidentally hit a goose. She flings a fruitcake at the goose, but Rainbow quickly flies and catches it. Rainbow is pissed that she just attacked an animal that didn't know any better, especially since "it isn't nice". Luna, however, embodies the royal attitude you'd expect: namely, screw you and your geese."
Luna: "Now, if you'll excuse me, Celestia is going to have my Cutie Mark if I don't finish delivering all these festive Hearth's Warming Eve fruit baskets to her constituents."
Linkara: "See? Even a princess is doing work, but OH, NO, the poor weather Pegasus who could prevent a blizzard needed time off! Luna, however, has broken her wing and can't fly. Realizing that Rainbow could do it, she conscripts Rainbow for the task, to her annoyance. The other reindeer come out, trying to act friendly to them to get close to Luna, but Rainbow sees right through it, knowing that as soon as Luna leaves, they'll go right back to being dicks. Luna's not having any of that, though. Flying is an amazing thing, according to her. Buuut it's entirely possible she's also saying this to get Rainbow to do the stuff for her, since she shoves Rainbow into the harness and insists that she do manual labor for her as thanks for her kind remarks. Gotta give credit to Princess Luna for writing a book where she portrays herself as a jerk. At least she's got a sense of humor about herself."
Silver Spoon: "Do you think the lesson here is we should just be nice to everyone?"
Diamond Tiara: "I don't think that was it."
Linkara (as Diamond Tiara): "I think the lesson here is, "Everybody's a jerk", so just fly free."
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Linkara: "Spike picks up another story, "The Toy and the Mouse". This one stars Rarity, who was given a doll for Not Christmas... at least until the toy was broken. It's a nutcracker, and all the teeth somehow fell out, thanks to her little sister. Rarity chases after her sister over this, but the narrator quickly diffuses the tension."
Twilight: "But the toy was fixed by her uncle almost immediately."
Tom Servo: "Wow, they held the tension for a full second."
Linkara: "Later, Rarity fell asleep under the tree with the repaired toy."
Twilight: "When the clock struck midnight, the toy turned into a real prince."
Linkara: "Unfortunately, it was Prince Vegeta, who did not appreciate his predicament. No, of course it was a pony prince. But Rarity is upset when the narrator reveals that the Mouse King was next and decides to leave the story."
Pony Prince: "My dearest! Stay! There's lots of good stuff coming... like fairies and dancing and me."
Rarity: "And giant rodents. I don't need to take this. Do you know how many books would love to have me star in them."
Linkara: "Sorry, Rarity, but Pinkie Pie already accepted the role in "Lord of the Reins"."
Linkara (as Pinkie Pie): "Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a QUEEEEEEN!"
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Twilight: "'Twas the night of Hearth's Warming Eve / And all through the home / Not a creature was stirring / Not even the cat (whose name was Jerome)"
Linkara: *cupping his hand over his mouth* "BOOOOOO! Syllable count is wrong, so the rhyme just sounds clumsy! BOOOOO!"
Twilight: "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care / Stuffed to the brim with bad gifts from last year that might go up in a flare..."
Linkara: "You know, I realize not all of my rhymes for the Star Trek: The Next Generation #2 review were that great, but that was me trying to do an entire episode in rhyme for a weekly series. Mistakes will happen." *holds up comic* "But there's no excuse here! It's funny breaking the rhyming scheme once, but you don't do it twice RIGHT AWAY! It completely breaks the immersion of the rhyme. It's only now that the story settles into a half-decent rhyme scheme. The gist of it is that this dude, Big Mac, wakes up and spots his two sisters finishing up his present and fear bringing it in through the front door. They decide to lower it into the fireplace... where a fire is already roaring. And Big Mac has to put out the fire to save his gift and then embrace his family for this thoughtful gift. Also, Granny Smith comes downstairs."
Granny Smith: "Why are you'uns awake at two in the blessed A.M.? That's how ya get the rickets!"
Linkara: "They have another purpose, besides obtaining the rickets. They're off to see Rogue One; Applejack has the tickets." *frustrated* "That's how you do a rhyme! With the final story over, the door to the train station opens, Cuppa Joe figuring that the snow must have gotten so bad as to blow the door open. However, outside in the cold are– OH, GOD, IT'S THE WINDIGOS!! DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR DEAD EYES, MY FRIENDS! THEY'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!! Um, er, wait, no, it's just the ponies. DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR DEAD EYES, MY FRIENDS! THEY'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!!"
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Pinkie Pie: "Hey. Breaking the fourth wall is my bit!"
Linkara (as Pinkie Pie): "Looks like somebody's about to get a cupcake shot through their face with my cup cannon here!"
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Linkara: "Twilight introduces everyone to Cuppa Joe."
Pinkie Pie: "Is he on the guest list?"
Cuppa Joe: "Uh... no?"
Linkara: "Geez, look at Pinkie Pie's expression here."